This is the last time. Healing.

This morning, I took a moment. I sat down on my bed to admire the serene feeling I had just created from tidying. As I did, in the quietness and stillness, a song popped into my head. The lyrics felt oddly familiar. As usual, I quickly hopped onto Google, curious about what my inner self was trying to bring my attention to. The song was 'This is the last time' by Keane. The first verse instantly captivated me. ''I remember the first time

The first of many lies

Sweep it into the corner

Or hide it under the bed

Say these things, they go away

But they never do'' I knew what I was trying to say to myself; that's why I rushed over here to blog about it! Recently, I decided to make a big decision and talk to the police about something I've been going through for years, but had never seen the severity of it until now. Now that i've actioned it, I can talk to therapists about it. You see, it's not until you really start to acknowledge things deeply within yourself - being completely real about how you feel regarding certain people and situations in your life - that you can start to actually begin the grieving and healing process. ''There is no difference when it comes to the wounds we refer to within spiritual healing, they are still 'wounds' and any wound needs time to heal.'' Sometimes I get so in my head, frustrated with myself and the world, thinking that healing is an overnight thing. But that's my typical 'red' way of thinking. Wanting it to be over and done with, so i can move on to the next thing already. I have to admit, it is now easier knowing what my colours are, so when something like this takes place, I can see what colour is dominating at that moment in time and i now know what other colours to call on for more balance. Anyway, back to my point, if I actually take a second to think about the whole healing process properly, we're talking about healing wounds, right? Well, when it's physical, how long does that take? Days, Weeks, Months even? There is no difference when it comes to the wounds we refer to within spiritual healing, they are still 'wounds' and any wound needs time to heal.

The intricacies and tapestry of life are so interwoven; imagine it as a fine Persian carpet with all the different colour threads and patterns. Another way to look at this and one that's most helpful, is viewing your past events like an old style camera film. In order to capture the image on the film, there are layers of colour and information that need to be laid down, so it can be properly viewed. Now, when something happens to us, it's not just one thing that occurs; so much shapes that moment. Let's take an argument, for example. The person involved might hurl an insult at you, but there are several factors at play that contribute to the lasting wound. Perhaps it's the things they said – things they don't normally say – that shocked you. At the same time, their tone of voice is unsettling and unfamiliar, and your environment starts to feel unsafe, sending signals to your nervous system. They might even be holding something, or there could be a song playing in the background – all contributing to building up this scene that leaves a lasting impression on you.

So when one is prompted to 'heal' these wounds, your gentleness, attention, and time are really important. These beautiful layers of a scene in a film need to start revealing themselves to be acknowledged and released, bit by bit. Just because the mind intellectualises what's going on, doesn't mean we know all that took place. It will want to swoop in with a 'quick fix', because it thinks it fully comprehends what's happening – for example: ''oh, I know what this is about, I can see it now; it's because of that traumatic argument I had when I was younger. Yes, I've forgiven him now; I understand why he reacted that way now that I'm older'' – yet what our minds don't understand at that moment in time is that with each layer we work through within our feelings and emotions, they reveal so much more about the situation than the brain could ever understand on its own. Like a 3D fingerprint with all its data in its deep layers. Not like a 2D image that says a handful of things. ''Just because the mind intellectualises what's going on, doesn't mean we know all that took place.''

This time, this particular wound I have been sharing with you reader, is the end to a huge cycle in my life. One, that like a rollercoaster has been coming back around and around. I've worked on it layer by layer when they have revealed themselves to me, working on my self worth through it all and now I have been gifted the ability of true sight - as opposed to being blind sided - only now, can I see that I deserve more and I deserve justice. Karma doesn't employ people; however, as much as I can 'cut ties' in the spiritual world, I mustn't forget I am also living a physical experience! Putting whatever precautions I see fit and speaking my truth in this lifetime, is exactly what I'll do to aid my healing and rehabilitation.